A month

Today it has been a month since we found out our sad news about the loss of our baby.  A day we had anticipated with such excitement because we would get to share our secret will now be remembered as a day of sadness.  It's been a hard month, but at the same time I can tell that my heart is healing.  It feels different this time around compared to the first loss.  I am not sure why really but have several ideas at the difference I feel this time.

It took about two weeks for me to get to where I felt like doing things again, and I have been through many "firsts" since the miscarriage as I have gotten back to my routine once I healed physically.  The first time going back to church. The first time going to the grocery store by myself.  The first time eating Tuesday lunch with my husband (this was particularly difficult and I sat in the parking lot and cried).  The first time going back to the school to volunteer.  It's been weird what things bother me and make me cry.

I miss so many things about being pregnant. I miss that fixing lunches for my husband and son no longer makes me gag.  I miss feeling my stomach growing rounder.  I miss doing the pictures with Caleb to show how big the baby would be each week. 

I wanted so badly to share the pictures with our family that we had taken to announce our news.  I wanted to hear that heart beat so much.  I wanted to be to 16 weeks on Friday when I went on the field trip with my boy's class.  I wanted to figure out how to fix the baby's room.  I wanted to feel those sweet baby kicks inside me and share that with my husband and son.

I don't understand and have so many "whys?" at this point.  However, I am praying for God to show me what I can learn through this experience.  There were specific things I learned through the first loss that I still think about today, and I pray to learn new things because of this loss. 

I'm thankful the healing is beginning in my heart and those who have supported me this past month.  I can feel that I am healing.

I read this quote (source unknown) when I was looking at poems about loss and miscarriage.  I liked it and wanted to share. 

Dear Lord, I would have loved to have held my babies on my lap and tell them about you, but since I didn't get the chance, would you please hold them on your lap and tell them about me?

Have a day of blessings!

Quote

"A child is a person who is going to carry on what you have started. He is going to sit where you are sitting, and when you are gone; attend to those things, which you think are important. You may adopt all policies you please, but how they are carried out depends on him. He will assume control of your cities, states and nations. All your books are going to be judged, praised or condemned by him. The fate of humanity is in his hands. So it might be well to pay him some attention." Abraham Lincoln

I found this quote on a school site (I think, it's been a while and I can't quite remember). I thought it held some good points.

God bless you today!
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"Finally, all of you, live in harmony with one another; be sympathetic, love as brothers, be compassionate and humble." I Peter 3:8

Quote

This quote was on my calendar September 5. I've left it turned to that day since then. I want to share it today.

"When you accept the fact that sometimes seasons are dry and times are hard and that God is in control of both, you will discover a sense of divine refuge, because the hope then is in God and not in yourself." --Charles R. Swindoll

Praise God that we can depend on Him in the hard times. He is our hope and peace.

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"Great peace have they who love your law, and nothing can make them stumble." Psalm 119:165

Quote

It is our attitude at the beginning of a difficult task which, more than anything else, will affect it’s successful outcome.

–William James

Never Give Up!

I loved this saying/picture that I received this week in my inbox.

Thank You, God, for spring!

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"Have mercy on me, O God, according to your unfailing love; according to your great compassion blot out my transgressions....Wash me, and I will be whiter than snow." Psalm 51:1, 7

Happiness

"Plenty of people miss their share of happiness, not because they never found it, but because they didn't stop to enjoy it."
 
~~William Feather1889-1981, Writer