Missing you Peepaw

On this day I am remembering Peepaw.  This is the day he passed away in 2005.

I have been thinking about him a lot lately and missing him.  He's been in my dreams often it seems. I have so many wonderful memories and so many things make me think of him.  I'm blessed to have these memories and that Caleb got to know him for a short time too.  He made such a difference in my life with his love and support.

I will always miss his calls and going to get ice cream with him.  Sometimes I imagine that I hear him pounding on the front door on Saturday mornings when I'm sleeping late as he did so many mornings when I lived at home.  As Christmas approaches I will always remember that morning that we put up a few decorations in his hospital room.  It was the last time I saw him, he passed away that evening.  

I am blessed for the memories we shared and that he was my Peepaw.

Have a day of blessings!
  

Thankful Thursday

Happy Thursday...it's our last Thursday of summer.  My boy starts school on Monday.  We will meet his teacher tonight. 

What are you thankful for today?  Please share!  I enjoy reading the ways you are blessed! 

Today I am thankful for...
~ my husband's safe travel this week.  He had a super long day Monday, and I was thankful for his safety while traveling. 

~ my healthy boy.  He had his 8 year old well-child check at the doctor this week.  He is doing great and growing as he should.  We are thankful for that. 

~ Peepaw.  Today is Peepaw's birthday.  He would have been 83 this year.  Oh how I still miss him and the things he did and said.  I am thankful for him, his love, and the role he played in my life.

~ going to the candlelight devo this year with my family.  This was such a special moment for me 15 years ago as I began college.  I was excited and thankful to be able to participate again with my family. 

~ the fun we have had this summer.

Have a day of blessings!

Thankful Thursday

Today for Thankful Thursday, I am so thankful for so many things.

~ my husband having days off from work.  I'm glad we get to spend some times over the holidays with both my boys at home for a few days. 

~ my sweet boy's laughter as he watches "Tom and Jerry" episodes.  It is such a delightful sound!  It makes us all smile and laugh to hear him laughing!   

~ our Christmas vacation.  I so enjoyed having a stay home day on Monday in our pajamas and then Tuesday having my helper boy with me as I ran errands.

~ yummy Christmas treats.  There are so many good ones!  I couldn't pick a favorite I don't think.  I love that there are traditional things I know my Mom will make each year!  Plus she likes to make whatever we may ask for special too (like the cheese ball my husband asked for this year).

~ and today is a special day in my heart.  This day in 2005 was also a Thursday.  In the morning we'd driven to the hospital to put up a few Christmas decorations in Peepaw's hospital room, including a tabletop Christmas tree.  He passed away later that evening.  I miss him so much, his hugs and phone calls.  This year I'm so thankful for the memories I have of him and all the things we did together.  We plan to take a mini Christmas tree to sit at his graveside as has been our tradition each year now that he is no longer with us. 

Merry Christmas to you and your family!  I hope you are enjoying this festive season, making special memories with those you love, and realizing the love of the Savior who come as a little Baby for each of us.
Have a day of blessings!
 

Five years

It's been five years since we drove to visit Peepaw in his hospital room.


It's been five years since we decorated a little Christmas tree to sit beside his bed.


It's been five years since he made us laugh at his insisting on eating the chocolate cake off his lunch tray.

It's been five years since we walked out of that hospital room, and I waved our special pinky wave.

It's been five years since the phone rang as my husband and I were driving home from eating out for supper. I knew what my Mom wasn't saying as she asked where we were and told us to come back home.


It's been five years since we got back to Mom's house and she told us that Sis had called to tell her Peepaw had passed away.


Five years.


Five years that I've missed your calls on Christmas morning, birthdays, and all the other random times.


Five years that I've missed your hugs.


Five years that I've missed hearing your voice and that noise you made with your lips.


Five years that I've missed our trips to the ice cream store.


Five years that I've missed having you here to see Caleb grow up.

Five years that I've missed calling you on the phone.

Five years that I've missed your funny sayings.

Five years that I've missed sending you cards and our family pictures.



Five years that we've taken a tiny Christmas tree to your graveside on this day.


Five years that I've missed everything about you.


I miss you Peepaw. I'm grateful that I have all these things about you to miss. You were always so special to me and continue to be important in my life. I'm thankful for our memories.
-------

Have a day of blessings!

Flashback Friday

I missed Flashback Friday last week as we are without a computer right now. I wanted to participate with last week's questions today since I have so many Christmas memories! Linda asked us about Christmas gifts.

My Flashback:
We would open our gifts at home on Christmas morning. I remember one year we went to Meemaw's house and we took the gifts with us. The gifts were always from my parents, they always told me the truth about santa. My gifts were always wrapped. Once we put up our tree there would always be some gifts under it, and a couple would be for me. Then on Christmas morning there would be more under the tree with my name on them along with a full stocking. The stocking had pens, candy, and stickers. I'd go shopping with my Dad to help pick out gifts for my Mom.

One Christmas that I remember was when Peepaw came over to watch me open my gifts. There was one box that was so big. I told him I thought it was an elephant. I don't know how old I was but my perception was that it was a very large box. It turned out to be a baby doll cradle.

I never peeked, I didn't want the surprise to be ruined! I did look to find which ones had my name on them though! One year I saw one long box and said I bet that's a gun. It was a BB gun when I opened it.

We'd go to have Christmas with extended family. One year Peepaw had me come behind the couch with my eyes closed. He had made me a hope chest. It was a very special gift because he had made it for me. He had had some health problems that year and was worried he'd be unable to finish the hope chest. The hope chest is a treasure to me. He had a little engraved label on the top that says To My Sweetheart. I love the picture of me seeing the hope chest for the first time and hugging Peepaw.

Have a day of blessings!

Happy birthday, Peepaw!

Today I am thinking of Peepaw as it would be his 81st birthday. I miss his calls. I miss his voice. I miss his laugh. I miss his hugs. My life was blessed to have such a special Peepaw.

Have a day of blessings!

A day of remembering

On December 22, 2005, my special grandfather, Peepaw, left this life. I wrote about the full day previously at this post.

He'd been sick for some time. On the time of his death he was in the hospital. We had gone to take him a few Christmas decorations for his room. Caleb was a little guy then and helped to decorate a small tree. That night he passed away. I remember so many things about that day, how he tried to eat some chocolate cake and he popped a whole cherry tomato in his mouth from his salad, how I turned around to look at him and mouth I love you one more time before we left the room.

I think about Peepaw and wonder what he would think of certain situations or what he would say. I miss his phone calls so much and his hugs.

It makes my heart happy when Caleb will talk about him or mention something he did or said that we've told Caleb about through the years.

Today we will go to the cemetery and give Peepaw a little Christmas tree like we did on December 22, 2005. This has become our tradition for this day.

We all miss you today and everyday, Peepaw!

Have a day of blessings!

Rainy Monday

How was your weekend? We went to the Light the Night Walk. This is our fourth year to participate in memory of Peepaw. We raise money for the Leukemia & Lymphoma Society. It was a nice evening for the Walk. My aunt, cousin, and Mom come and go with us. We always have a fun time eating out together and then going to the Walk. My husband drives us. This year was the first year we didn't push Caleb in the stroller. I was proud of him for walking the whole way. We made two laps around the park, and he didn't seem to mind walking!

Sunday I was very tired and took a nap in the afternoon after church.

Today has been a rainy Monday morning. I have been home doing laundry and ironing. I have a full week the rest of the week, so I'm doing what I can get done today. Tuesday I'm going to a continuing education class. I hope it's an interesting one! Wednesday and Thursday I'll be at the food pantry in the morning and then Thursday I have to get my permanent crown put on my tooth. I had no idea they were giving me a temporary one when I went to have the work done two weeks ago. Then on Friday is Caleb's pumpkin party at school. I am the room mother and need to email the other Mom's to remind them of what they are bringing. We are playing "pin the nose on the pumpkin." I have pictures somewhere at my Mom's house of me playing this when I was in kindergarten. Also we will make little foam jack o' lanterns from a kit from Michael's. My Mom made pumpkin cookies too and someone else is bringing cupcakes. Then Saturday is Halloween. We don't make a big deal out of it, but Caleb is dressing up as a clown. (You can see a picture of my cute little clown on Facebook later this week!) He said a long time ago he wanted to be a clown so Gramma made him a costume. (I was a clown one year too and need to find that picture also to show him!) We will probably take him to one of the festivals or "trunk or treats" at one of the local churches. There are a few ladies from church who would like to see him also so we might go visit them.

Do you have a busy week ahead? October has been busy for us! I'm looking forward to November and the holidays.

* Also, I am having a book giveaway on Tuesday so go sign up today if you are interested in a great book with a great message.

Have a day of blessings!

Happy birthday Peepaw!

Today my Peepaw would have been 80 years old. He was always very special to me and our entire family. It is still hard to think that he isn't here with us anymore.

I think the things I miss most right now are his surprise calls, his hugs, and getting to see him with Caleb. I know how much Caleb would love him, and I know how much Peepaw would laugh at Caleb's cute things.

One thing we did together was to go get ice cream after school. He'd pick up me and my cousin, and we'd find some ice cream! I told Caleb we'd have to eat ice cream in Peepaw's honor sometime today.

I'm so thankful for him and the role he played in my life.

August is here!

I have shared previously that August is often a hard month for me, filled with mixed emotions. I would appreciate your prayers this month. Add to the other things listed our boy will be starting school this month. I'll be sharing more feelings on that in the future as it is a time full of many emotions for me as well.

Last night I was reminded of a song and a verse that fits so I'll share it today. I've posted the song before here when I was doing "Friday Favorites." It is "I Will Lift My Eyes" by Bebo Norman.

Psalm 121:
1 I lift up my eyes to the hills—
where does my help come from?
2 My help comes from the LORD,
the Maker of heaven and earth.

3 He will not let your foot slip—
he who watches over you will not slumber;

4 indeed, he who watches over Israel
will neither slumber nor sleep.

5 The LORD watches over you—
the LORD is your shade at your right hand;

6 the sun will not harm you by day,
nor the moon by night.

7 The LORD will keep you from all harm—
he will watch over your life;

8 the LORD will watch over your coming and going
both now and forevermore.

This is my prayer. I will look to the Lord, He is my Helper and Comfort in the coming days.

Birthday weekend!

On February 27, 1979, I was born. Last Friday I turned 30! My husband will be turning 30 two weeks after me so we've been talking about being 30 lately. When I was in elementary school, I always thought it was so neat that my Mom was still in her 20s and all my friends' Moms were in their 30s already. Well this year I started the year for us to have the 0. My Mom will be turning 50 in March. Peepaw always teased me and said "look what you've started" on my birthday when I'd change to the next number. He would have been 80 this August.

I enjoyed my birthday. Thursday night we made flower cupcakes, and my boys went outside to work on a surprise. They bought flowers for my flowerbed. They were going to till it up, but it didn't work so we're going to get pots for the porch instead! Caleb helped wrap my gift and made me a birthday card. About 9 o'clock he said we needed to decorate for the party! He found my stash of balloons and streamers and started putting the streamers around the house. It was really cute how he tore a piece off an hung it with tape or tied it around door knobs. We told him we'd have to get new balloons because those didn't blow up easily. He wanted to keep working, but it was past bedtime!!

Friday morning we went to the donut shop and then took Caleb to his class at the library. My Mom met us at the library. She took Caleb with her to Walmart, and we went to the eye doctor. Last Tuesday I'd gotten contacts again. My right one was bothering me so I went to have it checked. He gave me a new prescription and I immediately noticed a difference. We met my cousin and aunt at Chick fil a for birthday lunch. Apparently everyone else had the same idea! It was VERY crowded!

I was so excited that my aunt and cousin got to spend the day with us. My cousin's 21st birthday was on Sunday. We always had cake and parties together when we were growing up. This year I thought it would be special to get together again, and it worked out for that to happen. Caleb did more decorating when we got home and helped my Mom make our ice cream cake. YUMMY! She also made me an angel food cake. Add the flower cupcakes we made for my cousin and we had plenty of cake (and still have some if you'd like some!).

We all went to eat at Cotton Patch before my aunt and cousin left for her apartment.

It was a wonderful day! I've enjoyed my emails and cards everyone sent as well. Now I'm 30!

(I thought someone would ask about my gift....it is a blender! Caleb's already tried it out for milkshakes and smoothies! I wanted one to try out a new salsa recipe from my Mom.)

~~~~~~~~~~~
"If you are wise and understand God’s ways, prove it by living an honorable life, doing good works with the humility that comes from wisdom." ~ James 3:13, NLT

Remembering

It has been three years since Peepaw left this earth. Here is the story I shared last year with some more details about that day.

I always think about him, but at this time of year I probably think about him more and realize how much I miss him and how long it seems since I've seen him or hugged him.

The other day I was looking at some pictures I had of him with Caleb, and it made me miss him so much. It feels so long since I've seen his face, heard his voice, or felt his hug.

I saw the packages of money cards in the card aisle at Walmart and thought of him. For years he gave us an envelope like that with money for Christmas.

We were eating at Mr. Gatti's recently where I saw a girl about my age eating with an older woman (I thought it might be her grandmother). It reminded me of the times I went to eat with Peepaw or to go out for ice cream. He'd meet me for lunch or a snack and would always throw the money out to pay. I miss that so much.

People always say how "time heals" when you miss someone. I feel that the stages of grief give me a different kind of missing now. The missing I feel now isn't the same as I felt that first Christmas without him, but it's still there.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Psalm 121
I lift up my eyes to the hills—
where does my help come from?
2 My help comes from the LORD,
the Maker of heaven and earth.

3 He will not let your foot slip—
he who watches over you will not slumber;

4 indeed, he who watches over Israel
will neither slumber nor sleep.

5 The LORD watches over you—
the LORD is your shade at your right hand;

6 the sun will not harm you by day,
nor the moon by night.

7 The LORD will keep you from all harm—
he will watch over your life;

8 the LORD will watch over your coming and going
both now and forevermore.

Our weekend

As mentioned in a previous post, my husband and I got to see "Fireproof" on Friday. We enjoyed it so much and we're still talking about it today! Saturday my aunt came and later my cousin arrived. In the afternoon we headed to the Light the Night Walk. This is our third year to participate. This year we walked on a path around a pond. It was very nice and a special way to remember Peepaw. The evening was perfect for a walk. All of the walkers have a lighted balloon...white is for survivors and red is for supporters. This year they added a gold balloon. Each family could carry one in memory of someone. Sunday we had a pretty normal day with church activities.

Over the weekend Caleb had an upset stomach. It started on Thursday morning. He made several trips to the bathroom. I called the doctor Friday and she said if he has any new symptoms to bring him in to the office. Saturday as we were just leaving he told Daddy he was driving too fast and it was making his tummy hurt. He was okay at the walk. Sunday morning after church he went to eat lunch with Gramma and called us because his tummy was hurting again. We went to meet them. As we were going over I had an idea. Every time he got an upset stomach, he had had apple juice to drink prior to it. I had purchased a new brand of apple juice that we'd never tried. Sunday I realized this is something new and may be the cause of the problem. He has had apple juice of a variety of brands for many years but never this brand. When we got home, my husband smelled it and thought it smelled funny. We have not given him anymore and guess what....no more tummy trouble! I'm calling the company tomorrow to tell them. I wonder if it is a bad bottle or something.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Understanding is a fountain of life to those who have it." Proverbs 16:22

Light the Night Walk

Our family will again participate in the Light the Night Walk this year. This will be our third year to walk in memory of Peepaw.


The Walk is a special, enjoyable time for our family to be together and support the cause of fighting blood cancers. During the walk we carry illuminated balloons. It is a beautiful sight to see thousands of flickering lights as we walk the trail together.


We are raising funds for the Leukemia & Lymphoma Society. The money is used for research in finding a cure for blood cancers. Caleb raised money by having a bake sale this summer at our garage sale. He did this last year as well.


If you're interested in learning more or making a donation, I've set up a link on my side bar. Thank you.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Not to us, O LORD, not to us but to your name be the glory, because of your love and faithfulness." Psalm 115:1

Happy birthday, Peepaw!

Sweet Memories

In quiet times I often sit
And find my mind adrift
To another place, another time
And oh! My spirits lift!

I see your happy, smiling face,
And that twinkle in your eye.
I hear you sing your favorite song
And I laugh...and then I cry.

Inside my heart Sweet Memories
Stay with me each day
I cherish, and I cling to them
For I miss you in every way.

Each thing I see...
Each thing I do, brings you close to me
For everything upon this earth
Brings Sweet Memories of you.

I imagine our reunion
Some day at heaven's gate
It fills my heart with happiness...
But for now, I'll have to wait.

Until my life upon this earth
And my work here is complete
Sweet Memories will keep me
Until at last again we meet.

~ Charlotte Anselmo ~

(in an email this week from Marcella's Inspiring Collection)

Today Peepaw would be 79. This poem came in one of my emails this week, and parts of it made me think of him so I thought I'd share it. The singing part in the poem made me laugh because Peepaw would sing some funny songs. I remember a little tune (not really a song with words) he did in the hospital and shake his finger as he sang. I can still hear that in my head. Many other things I see and do make me think of him. I am thankful for the many sweet memories I have of Peepaw.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"My help comes from the LORD, the Maker of heaven and earth." Psalm 121:2

Things that cause me to remember

Do you ever have those moments when you suddenly, unexpectedly remember something from a previous time of your life? These moments give me a mix of emotions. Sometimes I'll smile at a memory, other times I'll laugh out loud, and sometimes I feel a bit of surprise sadness.

Many times I find the memories to be about Peepaw. On our recent trip last week we stopped on the way for ice cream. When we walked into the Dairy Queen, I had the weirdest feeling in my heart. I don't honestly know how long it has been since I've been to that Dairy Queen. It was a weird feeling because I wasn't prepared for it. I know we've stopped there for Caleb to use the restroom, but I think Daddy took him while I stayed in the car. I just felt a flood of memories because I believe the last time I was in there was probably with Peepaw. We would sometimes meet me there for ice cream because it was halfway between college and home. He'd take my cousin to her house after she'd visited me at college. I had another "ice cream moment" a few weeks ago related to Peepaw too. When I got to the end of the cone it was empty. I remember one time hearing of Peepaw dropping a cone on the floor and stepping on it because there was no ice cream in the bottom.

I've had some funny remembrances lately as well. The other day I found a feather poking out of the pillow. I had to laugh and tell JMP why it made me think of Chel. When we were growing up and she'd spend the night, I'd tell her a funny story about the feathers in the pillows. Why I told her these funny things I don't know! I know she didn't believe me. ;) I haven't remembered this memory for a long time so it was fun to think about it this weekend.

I'm so thankful for sweet memories.
-------------------------------------
"Every day we live is a priceless gift of God, loaded with possibilities to learn something new, to gain fresh insights." Dale Evans Rogers

It's been two years

Two years have passed since Peepaw passed away. I remember the day in 2005 well. We traveled to see him that morning in the hospital and took some Christmas decorations as well to brighten his room. Caleb helped me decorate a tiny tree for him. I remember the nurses telling my Mom the doctor wanted them to talk next week about setting up hospice care. I remember walking out the door and turning back to look at Peepaw one more time and tell him I loved him. I guess I always knew he was near the end of his earthly life. We went back to my Mom's house that afternoon. In the evening JMP and I went to eat. I remember getting out of the car and needing to cry. The restaurant was next to the place where Peepaw had worked when I was a child. As I got out of the car I smelled the production plant that I always associated with him... the "Peepaw smell." We dropped off a Christmas gift for a friend. On the way back to my Mom's she called us and asked us to come. I knew then and started praying for her to be okay. My aunt had called that she had received the news from the hospital Peepaw had passed away that evening. I remember the sobs coming from my body that night. I thought I'd never stop crying. Caleb had been with Gramma when she received the news of the loss of her Dad. I feel he offered comfort in his own way as a little toddler that night. He was a comfort to us all with his hugs and smiles. I was glad Caleb had been there when she got the call.

I really cannot believe two years have passed. We've been through all of the "firsts" without Peepaw, but we all still miss him. I know he would be so proud of Caleb. I think back to Caleb's baby days and how Peepaw was there when he was born. I have a video of Caleb in the nursery at the hospital as they were weighing and bathing him. Peepaw's voice is in the background and I love to play it to hear his voice. We have a picture of the four of us on the day Caleb was born....I'm in the hospital bed and Peepaw's holding my hand. I love that picture. I'm so thankful Caleb recognizes pictures of Peepaw. I feel it must be awfully confusing for his little mind though because we still talk about Peepaw but don't see him now. When we were making ornaments this year, I asked Caleb who will this one be for? He said for Peepaw. I'm happy he has not forgotten.

Last year on the first anniversary we took a small (table decoration size) tree to the cemetery. I found another one this year to take.

There are many, many families I know going through this as the first Christmas without a loved one. It's hard. It hurts. We always miss them but the holidays seems more difficult I think. We always remember and have that missing spot in our hearts. If you know someone who has lost a loved one this past year, let them know you are thinking of them. Encourage them with your prayers. Be there for them as they remember and grieve. Make a contribution to a charity in memory of their loved one. Send a note to let them know their loved one has not been forgotten. Do something to show you care.
------------------------------------------------------------------
"I will lift up my eyes to the hills--where does my help come from? My help comes from the Lord,, the Maker of heaven and earth." Psalm 121:1, 2

Happy Birthday Peepaw

Today Peepaw would have been 78 years old. Wow, do I ever miss him! It always seems in the days and weeks leading up to a "remember" day like today that I notice more things related to Peepaw.....hundreds of white Dodge trucks, older men with a single tattoo in the middle of their arm, men wearing suspenders. Coming out of Walmart the other day I even noticed a man's shoes that reminded me of Peepaw! There are so many things I miss about him, and those are just more real in my heart on days like today.

I miss his calls. He always had a habit of calling at random times just to check on us. He'd talk about his animals and find out how we were doing. I remember in the last days of his life when my Mom gave me the number to call the nurse's station so they could go hand him the phone in his room so I could talk to him. I'm always glad I made that call.

I miss having him here to watch Caleb grow up. I know he would be so proud of him. It does make my heart happy that Caleb knows who Peepaw is and recognizes him in pictures.

I miss his voice. Sometimes I just need to hear it again. I love watching the videos of the day Caleb was born and other visits where I can hear his voice in the background.

I miss his hugs. I miss going to have ice cream with him. I miss his "words of wisdom." I miss his calls on our birthdays and holidays. I miss his pinkie wave.

I'm so thankful for my memories and cherish the times we had together.

Happy birthday, Peepaw. Thank you for the difference you made in my life. Thank you for the way you showed us all your constant love. You are missed by so many today and everyday.
Love, Your Sweetheart
-------------------------------------------
"Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer." Romans 12:12