Those of you who know us or have read my blog know that we suffered a miscarriage in January 2003. This was our first pregnancy, and we were so excited to find out we were expecting, sharing the news with family members during the Christmas holidays. We were devastated when we lost our baby. We were surprised to be pregnant and then have that taken away so suddenly. Since I have PCOS (polycystic ovary syndrome), we wondered if we would be able to conceive again or have other miscarriages.
I remember several things about that time. Looking back I believe I was depressed during that time. When I went back to the classroom I did not feel I was as good of a teacher as I was prior to the miscarriage because something in me had changed. It is one of the most painful times of my life, yet I can honestly say now that God has used that pain to teach me and bring me closer to Him. Before the miscarriage I never knew the pain someone could feel over such a loss. One thing I learned is that everyone grieves differently with this kind of loss and that is okay. Another thing I learned is to be careful with my words when people are facing times of grief. Many people don't know what to say and often say hurtful things, I think often without realizing it probably. While I learned that words can hurt deeply, a third thing I learned in this time was the value of an encouraging word. I had many people who were supportive and praying for us, and it really meant a lot. Several people remembered me on my first Mother's Day and one friend sent me a special Mother's Day Precious Moments figurine.
When I hear of someone who has had a miscarriage now, my heart hurts for them as I remember my own pain. If you have a friend or family member who has faced a loss, remember their baby with them. Don't act like they were never pregnant. Ask how they are doing and show you care. Let them talk or cry if that is what they need. Remember special days like Mother's Day, Father's Day, and the baby's due date.
Thank you for visiting today for Marriage Monday. Visit Chrysalis and find others writing on a variety of themes related to infertility today.
Have a day of blessings!
5 comments:
Thanks for sharing your story...all the words ring true for me as well...after having gone through three miscarriages and now my daughter-in-law has gone through one.
On my third my husband went down and bought me a baby shoe charm to wear on a necklace. When I am missing those three I will wear the shoe close to my heart. It has been healing to me to acknowledge that there are three in heaven also.
Blessings to you and hugs!
Thank you for sharing your story and also some great advice of how to be thoughtful and considerate to those struggling with the pain of miscarriage. Prayers and blessings to you.
Hi Bethany!
Years ago, my first pregnancy ended in a miscarriage...at nearly 4 months. After it happened I think I was stunned and didn't really know how to react. I wondered what was wrong with me that my body couldn't hold the baby. I felt damaged. Grief for my child didn't set in until years later. Oh yes...I was sad and disappointed when I lost him, but the deep grief over the life lost didn't truly hit me until I had two more children and pondered what their big brother would have been like. Then, I felt guilty that I hadn't cried before. You are so right. People handle grief in so many different ways. Sometimes it is right on their sleeve, but at other times it is pushed down inside, waiting for something to trigger its release. It is wise to be sensitive to the different emotions of those who have been through painful trials.
Thank you for sharing your story!
Blessings, Joan
This is a very tender post. Thank you for your honesty, Bethany.
I really appreciate all the points you made about miscarriage e.g. how important it is to acknowledge the pregnancy on occasions like Mother's and Father's Day. Since my experience of pregnancy is so different, women like me need to hear stories like yours to know how to encourage people like you who have miscarried a baby.
I am the oldest of three children, and my mother lost two babies before concieving me. I've always felt just a little bit special, because of course, my parents were overjoyed when I was born. Unfortunately, my mother (now deceased) never shared the pain she suffered with the loss of her previous two pregnancies. I'm sure she must have wondered who those babies were. I wish knew more of her story...
Blessings, e-Mom ღ
Such words of wisdom - only through suffering can you truly understand anothers pain. I am sure that the Lord will use your tender spirit to speak love and hope to a broken soul.
Post a Comment