The title of my blog is "Raindrops & Rainbows." Normally I feel like I have "rainbow" type days and weeks. I will admit, though, that last night though was tough. It seemed like everything we told Caleb he wanted to do the opposite and got upset about everything. By bedtime I was worn out and just needed to cry. It is in these times when things start piling up in my heart and I think of all the things I think I'm doing wrong and all the things in my life I think I have to change. I have to be very careful not to let the "F word" start going around in my brain. I get bogged down in "why can't I...." and feel very discouraged. Add to that my tiredness and last night I knew I just needed to go to sleep.
One thing that came to mind during this weariness is how to balance my computer time each day. At one point I was part of a message board where I felt a connection, group closeness I guess, to the women there. I was always amazed at how these women had time to have so many posts each day, commenting on everything anyone posted, and still have time to be a mommy. Then we changed from dial-up to DSL so I saw how it was less time consuming to just pop on leave a comment, and go about the day. About the time I felt I was spending too much time on this board, it broke up and dissolved. I've tried out some other boards since then but am not really into them and don't know the people like I thought I knew the people at this one board. Some of the stories posted on the message boards I could never determine if the women were being honest or were just always "one upping" things that were said to get attention. I questioned their sincerity. I DID make some very good friends on this board, and I continue to value the friendship of these ladies even though we've never met in person.
Now I feel I've gained a new community of support through my blogging friends. I feel these friends are honest and genuine. I feel like I can read people's hearts as I'm reading their posts and get so much encouragement from other wives and moms. I've told my husband before that I appreciate being able to just take a break from whatever I'm doing in my day to check my email. It is nice to have communication with others. My Mom and I write emails back and forth to each other and I like this connection, for example.
Thinking about this last night I felt weighed down, asking myself what ways I need to change my computer habits, trying to figure out how to balance my time and not spend too much time on the computer, figuring out what is enough and what is too much, looking for answers. If you have ever struggled with this, I'd appreciate reading your ideas of things that work for you. It doesn't seem so terrible and heavy in the morning as I was making it out to be last night in my mind, but I still want to see if I can improve in this area.
I am thankful it is a new day. I am thankful that we have our boy to raise and teach as he grows. I realize we all just have bad days sometimes when nothing seems right or good. The verse below was on my calendar today so I wanted to share it. Have a good day!
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"Every morning tell him, 'Thank you for your kindness," and every evening rejoice in all his faithfulness." Psalm 92:2, TLB
"It is good to praise the LORD and make music to your name, O Most High, to proclaim your love in the morning and your faithfulness at night" Psalm 92:1, 2
5 comments:
Oh Bethany,
Sweet sis! Yes, this is a struggle. The other day Joshua came upstairs and I was blogging and he asked me for help on a Language question and I told him to wait a second and I would be right down....then the Spirit of the Lord instantly convicted my heart as he turned around and I said "Wait a second Son, I'm coming"...I stopped, put the computer lid down and walked downstairs with my son.
Nothing trumps my family and what they need. I truly try to post something each day and answer each person that responds to me with a heartfelt comment and love. I'm a born encourager...but not at the expense of my family. I work it around when Josh is schooling or when he is at practice.
That's what that people pleasing comment was about on my 15 things list. I learned a long time ago, that you just can't please everyone. You have to please the Lord. And being pleasing in your home to your family is such a high calling. It's comforting to see others who go through the same struggles and see notes of encouragements, etc.
So yes, finding the balance is hard. But you have a great Leader. You are seeking the Lord and He is faithful. If He wants you to cut back, be obedient. Those of us who love you will still love you.
You always ask the question how can you pray for us ... you let me know how I can pray for you. Maybe it was just a bad day .. and maybe you need some prayer support. ((hugs)) to you and holy embraces. You know my email...I'm so here if you need me.
You have a lovely blog and I look forward to coming back and reading more. Like anything, too much is not good. I like to get on my laptop early a.m. after my quiet time (devotions). I will blog at that time and check my email, etc. Then once the kids are tucked in bed and I have some down time, I will go on again. It does help me to unwind. I also don't feel bad if what I am spending my time looking at is something I can learn from or be enriched by reading. =]
I totally understand your struggle as it is mine, too. I try to limit my time to early morning before the kids get up and at night after they have gone to bed. During the week when I'm at work I will also sometimes pop in and read a few blogs during break time or lunch.
I love this blog land, too. So many great friendships and wonderful women. I think we all understand, though, that we must find a way to balance our online time and make our families our priority.
Hi, BP!
I think like anything in our lives... we need to make it a matter of prayer. God loves when we do that.
I agree with the other gals... we need to have perspective and focus. Are we neglecting that which God has called us to do?
But if we look at our time on our computers... truly... as a ministry... and we commit that time to God, He will honor it. He will portion out the time... and sometimes that may mean more time alone with Him or our family.
I always love your honesty.
The main thing I do with computer is I try to limit how many times a day I check things. If I start getting grouchy it's usually because I've been doing too much of something, whether it be too much computer, too much TV, reading, chores, whatever. I try to vary it, and esp. if I'm grouching at the kids I try to stop right away and go spend positive time with them.
It can be very hard to be a SAHM. If you were here in Austin I would love to come visit you often and encourage you. I'm glad you have blogging friends to help. Love you friend!
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