We were walking in the parking lot towards our truck after browsing in Lowes. I realized there was a hand in mine. I looked down casually and noticed our boy walking between us, holding both our hands. This happens so rarely now because as a 9 year old he doesn't like holding my hand much anymore. As I've realized this, I've come to appreciate those moments so much more when I do feel his hand in mine. This felt like such a special moment to me, even though it was so short of a walk and lasted such a brief time.
As I think about holding that hand I am filled with thankfulness that we have our boy. He is such a blessing, and I'm so thankful to be his Mom. (On a side note I love when the kids at school say, "aren't you Caleb's Mom?")
My heart has been heavy this week as Mother's Day approaches. A year ago this week I went to my follow-up appointment after our miscarriage. I remember the doctor telling me to wait three months before we tried again for another child, which would mean wait until August. I didn't know if I wanted to try again and for the three months went back and forth, unsure what to do. I had figured it out though and knew my due day would be the beginning of May if we conceived in August. In my mind that would be a perfect plan. But obviously that didn't happen and we still aren't expecting another child. My heart has continued to feel mixed emotions about this. My heart still hurts from the last miscarriage, and I have realized we may not have additional children here. I don't know what the future holds, but we are trusting God for the next step.
This Mother's Day I'm thankful for the gift of my son and his hand in mine. Because of the last 9 months, I've had a small glimpse of how women must feel who are unable to conceive. There is so much pain, frustration, and unknowns. It's just plain hard, and I never knew that prior to this experience. I'm blessed to have his hand to hold, and because of the pain we've gone through, I don't take those sweet moments for granted.
Happy Mother's Day today. I'm remembering all those who long to have children, for those who have babies in Heaven, and for those missing their Mom's today.
Happy Mother's Day to my Mom who has been a loving encouragement to me. I'm thankful to have her in my life and our memories together.
Have a day of blessings!