To my kindergartener, Caleb...

I remember in July 2004 when I couldn't imagine what it'd be like to not feel you move around in my belly and how much I'd miss that.

I remember when you were days old when I couldn't imagine how we'd ever figure out your cries or know what you needed.

I remember when I couldn't imagine any other morning than our routine of an early morning feeding and then a nap on the couch together.

I remember when I couldn't imagine not getting up in the night for Daddy to change you and then give you to me so you could eat.

I remember when I couldn't imagine being able to go out of the house for extended periods of time with you.

I remember when I couldn't imagine what you'd look like with teeth and thinking how I'd miss those cute little gums.

I remember when I couldn't imagine what it would be like to see you move from crawling to walking.

I remember when I couldn't imagine how it would be to move you from the rear facing car seat to facing forward.

I remember when I couldn't imagine what life would be like when I no longer was breastfeeding you and how much I'd miss that.

I remember when I couldn't imagine what it would be like for you not to wear diapers anymore.

I remember when I couldn't imagine what it would be like for you to try to say words instead of just cries and baby noises.

I remember when I couldn't imagine what it would be like for you not to be scared of the doctor.

I remember when I couldn't imagine what it would be like for you to not sleep in your baby bed anymore.

I remember when I couldn't imagine what it would be like when you started drinking cow's milk and eating baby food.

I remember when I couldn't imagine what it would be like for you to eat table food instead of baby food.

I remember when I couldn't imagine what it would be like when you took just one nap a day.

I remember when I couldn't imagine what it would be like for you to not come to me in Daddy's arms to give me a kiss all bundled up in a towel after your bath.

I remember when I couldn't imagine what it would be like for you not to want to wear your little faded black cowboy pants with a long sleeved shirt every. single. day.

I remember when I couldn't imagine what it would be like for you to no longer drink so much milk that we had to buy multiple gallons every week.

I remember when I couldn't imagine what it would be like when you didn't cry when we took you to Sunday School.

I remember when I couldn't imagine what it would be like for you to be able to dress yourself.

I remember when I couldn't imagine what it would be like when you no longer needed to take a shoe off to sit on the potty!

I remember when I couldn't imagine what it would be like when you no longer rode in the basket at the store and were big enough to walk beside me instead.

I remember when I couldn't imagine what it would be like for you to do your own seat belt instead of me clicking you in your seat.

I remember when I couldn't imagine what it would be like for you to tie your own shoes.

Now I'm thinking I can't imagine what it will be like to go to HEB without you and feeling your little hand in mind.

Now I'm thinking I can't imagine what I will feel like the first time I go to the food pantry without you.

Now I'm thinking I can't imagine what it will be like to have a schedule every day and not be able to stay in our pajamas all day long, just because.

Now I'm thinking I can't imagine what it will be like to not be able to go to Gramma's house when Daddy goes on long trips.

Now I'm thinking I can't imagine what kind of routine I'll have without you in my day singing your sweet songs, coming to the rescue when I make a mess, giving your wonderful hugs and "Mommy I love you," and playing your creative games.

God gave us to you five years ago as a little newborn baby. We knew then that this day would come, even though back then it seemed oh so far away. You have brought so much joy to our lives. We are so proud of the boy you are. Today you begin a new chapter in your book of life as you go to school for the first time. I know I'll miss you like crazy. But at the same time my heart is filled with thankfulness....thankfulness that I have a beautiful boy....thankfulness for our loving relationship....thankfulness for the way you have such care and concern for those around you....thankfulness that I was able to stay home with you these past five years..... thankfulness for your good health....thankfulness that you have grown the way God made you to grow.....thankfulness in knowing that God is going to be with you as you go to school just like He will be with me as I will have a new routine. And although today and maybe this week I really can't imagine how different our life will be with our new schedule, I know that through every stage we've passed so far, the next stage has held new wonder, new excitement, new specialness. I'm excited to see all the things you are going to learn. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Remember you are fearfully and wonderfully made. Do your best and let your light shine.
Love,
Mommy